Dancing Queen

Today I was invited to a children's dance competition. I have never been to a competition before so went in with no idea of what expect. What I stumbled into was a mass of young girls, dressed in sequence, tapping shoes, and a lot of makeup. Little girls were being huddled while grown-up's applied blush, eye shadow, lip gloss, and lets not forget glitter. These girls were maybe 4-8 years of age. The noise level was at a breaking point and got even higher when I tried to go into the stage entrance. I spotted my friend who told me her mom and other kids were sitting down and her mom had a video camera. Little did I know everyone there had a video camera. I did end up finding the mom and her camera. My friends daughter was in the pre-school age group so when her dance company appeared it was 4 little girls dressed in ballerina outfits gleefully looking into the audience. As I watched her first performance, a slow ballerina song, I started crying. It was so beautiful. The girls were so free and proud of themselves. They had no fears of being in front of an audience or not making the right moves, they just moved and tiptoed around the stage.

As adults when did we lose that ability to stand in front of a crowd, dance, sing, and move freely without fear of judgement. I am looking forward to dancing, singing, laughing in front of a crowd with no fear or doubt. When this will happen I don't know but it is part of my new personal sustainability.

What is your personal sustainability?

Caution strong emotion ahead...read at your own risk...

There is something about this weather that starts making you think. You think about your world, how small or big, your mind how crazy or sane. Recently I have found that my mind has gone a bit crazy. I am realizing things about myself that I don't want to know. I am thinking of things that I don't want to explore. My friend Choll made a heartfelt post today about a very hard thing and I applaud her. It is hard to start to realize our own faults, even though most of us have our minds tell us them all day long. Choll linked to a blogger friend of hers that asked some hard questions of her readers. I found one of the questions to be something that is plaguing my mind lately.

Are you good at confronting/challenging people when you have an issue?

I despise confrontation and will do all I can, even to my own detriment to never confront people. This is only the case in my personal life. While at work I am quick to call people out on their problems and help them find a real solutions. I feel today like a split personality. Since I have realized this, Tuesday, I find that I am second guessing every thought, action, conversation. I find it hard to concentrate in the day to day grind. I find that other peoples needs are coming before mine. I do this with everyone. I am careful around my family not saying something that will upset them. I am careful around my relationship fearful of a fight or worse confrontation. I sit an listen maybe never saying what I mean. I find myself more comfortable when I am with a friend and speaking my mind about the issue and never confronting the person who is causing the issue. Most of all I am not challenging myself with issues and it is really really scary. I don't want to deal with things it may show a weakness or that I am actually fragile and other people will know it. When I become strong enough how will others deal with the conflict I will need to bring to them: moving, the letters, work, vacations.

I am using this blog right now as a tool to free my mind. I also am praying that I will have the energy too focus on healthy confrontation.

Earth Week

This is a spin off of Jennifer Spamans blog but I thought it is a good way to spread the word. This week is earth week and since we are not going to be moving onto one of the new planets, John Travolta's idea, we should make simple steps to help cut energy and pollutants into our world.

1. Buy "Bonnie Plants" they are herbs and vegetables in a bio-degradable pots you have less to throw away.

2. Compost, this is good for you plants and also reduces the amount of waste in the landfills.

3. Recycle.

4. Find a local store to drop off you plastic bags or reuse the bags from previous trips to shop.

5. Buy squiggly light bulbs. They seem more expensive but they are worth it over several years of buying cheap bulbs. They also use up to 70% less energy.

6. Unplug things that don't need to be plugged in all day. Hair dryer, cell phone chargers, coffee maker, toaster.

7. Consider taking public transportation, car pool, or ride a bike to work.

8. Use a fertilizer that is organic such as Revive, it will increase your soils ability to retain water.

9. Your lawn only needs 2inches a week, in Utah, to be a healthy green. Watch the weather turn off sprinklers when a rain storm is coming. Don't be the idiots watering your lawn while it is raining.

10. Consider changing your toilet flusher to a more "water wise" flusher. These are the flushers that you have to hold the handle down to flush but they can save millions of gallons of water every year.

Sky Lights

These are some pics I took about 3 months ago. So glad winter is done. Gardening is here and in full swing.